A photo of my new tattoo of Squirrel Girl, Ms. Marvel, and Captain Marvel done by Melissa Martell at Glass Cat Tattoo in Cleveland, OH.
I have been trying to wrap my head around what to say these days. I think everyone I know is horrified by what happened in Minneapolis. How could you not be horrified? I know people who are legitimately scared for their safety, scared for their future, and overall scared of what our country/world is becoming. And I really didn’t think that anything I had to say wasn’t already being said by much more eloquent and informed people.
Fortunately (or unfortunately) my life this week has been very demanding, between work responsibilities, personal obligations, and preparing for a trip to visit Buffalo this weekend. Things have been hectic to say the least, which has granted me the ability to tightly focus on my little bubble. Not only have I not wanted to spend any time on social media, I’ve barely had the time to do so if I wanted to. This sudden intense busy-ness in the midst of the horror our country is facing feels perhaps like divine intervention - some ancestor who loves me is working to preserve my sanity.
So what feels even weirder … and actually inappropriate … is that I have had some real moments of joy in the past several days.
On Saturday I got the tattoo in the image at the top of this post. I had been planning on getting this tattoo for a little while, and then I happened to get a surprise holiday bonus at work that covered most of the cost of the tattoo. Getting tattooed by Melissa Martell at The Glass Cat Studio was hands down the best tattoo experience I’ve ever had. I didn’t see the design of the tattoo until I arrived for my appointment, and I literally squealed when I saw it. It was perfect. Melissa was so thorough and methodical when figuring out the placement of the tattoo. She was so kind. Her playlist - a mix of Motown, oldies, 80’s, classic rock, and early 2000’s pop - was so perfect for the atmosphere of the studio. The studio itself was so clean and cozy.
Getting to have the 6.5 hour conversation I had with Melissa was truly joyful. We related on our queerness, our feminism, our politics. We talked about our partners, religion, family, neurodivergence, our shared love of animals, our pets, etc.. She had done so much research on the characters she was tattooing that we were able to have an in-depth conversation about each character and their history. It was honestly one of the best periods of time just spent talking to someone I’ve ever had.
And it gave me the chance to reflect on what these characters mean to me. Captain Marvel is a feminist icon who is one of the most powerful characters in the Marvel universe, but who is sometimes tempted to break the sobriety she fought to have. Ms. Marvel is a nerdy teenager with multiple minority identities who reminds me of the ways in which I am unlikely in the best way possible. Squirrel Girl is a truly wholesome, joyful, hilarious character who reminds me that it is really important to not take life too seriously. And now every time I look at the tattoo on my inner left leg, I am ecstatic to reflect on the experience of getting this tattoo, AND on what these characters represent to me.
I also had a direct message conversation with Kelly Sue DeConnick this week, who is one of my personal heroes and who wrote the piece of literature that means the most to me, Bitch Planet. Not only was she so kind in our direct message conversation, she also said she will be sending me mail. AND, Russ framed and hung the copy of Bitch Planet #1 - signed by Kelly Sue - that he got me for Christmas.
My framed Bitch Planet #1, signed by Kelly Sue DeConnick, hanging right next to my side of the bed.
So I had these really joyful moments this week in my little personal life. And it feels like maybe it is inappropriate, insensitive, wrong, hurtful, and ignorant to have been able to experience joy in the midst of a new war that the person in the White House started, and the horrific murder of a woman who was standing up for what’s right against an armed bigot.
But I was reflecting on this last night, and I think maybe it’s not ignorance or selfishness that is allowing me to have this joy in the midst of all of this. Maybe it is DEFIANCE. Maybe in the face of the horrors these people are trying to inflict on all of us, it is truly DEFIANT to be able to experience real joy - especially joy from personal, human interaction related to queerness, feminism, and art. Maybe to allow myself the excitement and feeling of wholeness that comes from these things (the tattoo, and my interaction with KSD) is a giant “F YOU” to those who want all of us to cower in fear and terror.
So I guess what I would say is - Please feel your feelings about all of the insanity that is happening. Don’t be ashamed of the feelings you have, and don’t try to invalidate them, because to be horrified is really the only valid way to be. But at the same time, if you get opportunities to feel joyful, allow yourself to do so in DEFIANCE of the horrors those in power are trying to inflict on us. To be able to feel joy is a way to remind yourself of the power you still have. They cannot take your joy away from you.
And there can be a LOT of joy that comes from connecting with other human beings on the things that matter to you. I know I would love to connect with each of you on a one-on-one basis about the things that matter to each of us. And as always, I’m reminded that you taking the time to read this means you care enough about me to want to connect. I cherish the care you have for me. Thanks as always for reading.