It’s been a very long time since I’ve written in my blog. I shut it down, actually, but I kept the domain and had the site locked down with privacy settings. I loved writing, but I started to run into issues where people were finding my blog and talking to me about it in environments where I didn’t feel comfortable with that, and that’s the main reason I shut it down.
Things have changed in my life, and now I definitely feel like I have the freedom to write a public blog. But there have been a lot of new people entering my life since the last time I wrote, so I’m going to relaunch my blog with this entry, an in-depth introduction to me for those of you who only sorta know me.
So, as you might’ve guessed from the blog’s name, my name is Daniel. This blog originally started as a response to the Pulse massacre that happened on June 12, 2016. If you don’t remember, there was a mass shooting at an LGBTQIA+ establishment in Orlando Florida, and my initial response to that event was to be angry and scared. But something hit me, and I decided that I was going to focus my thoughts and feelings into the ways in which people can love each other, and all of the ways love manifests, so I got a tattoo (of the words “Choose Love” in my husband’s handwriting) and started this blog.
This blog was pretty confessional, and I used it to publicly process a lot of complex feelings around gender, queerness, family, grief, religion/spirituality, marriage, friendship, and pretty much anything else you could imagine. I also would occasionally write about nerdy stuff, like my original characters The Dissidents.
Here’s a recent picture of me.
I am a queer person, still trying to figure out all the details of what that means, and I think my queerness will be evolving for my whole life. I came out as gay at the age of 17 (although I started telling my best friends around the age of 14). I didn’t have an easy coming out experience. As time went on, I reflected on my sexual orientation and gender identity. I came out as nonbinary in 2021, and have very recently realized that I don’t feel that label applies to me anymore. I don’t know exactly what to call my gender identity, but for now “queer person” feels like an apt description. I mostly use “he/him/his” pronouns, although I occasionally feel “they/them/theirs” pronouns are a better fit. You can use “he/him/his” pronouns for me, and calling me “gay” or “queer” interchangeably is fine by me.
I’m married to an incredible man named Russ. We’ve been together almost 19 years, married for 13, legally married for 8. We met in college, specifically in church, and our relationship initially hinged on our shared Catholic gay identity. We’ve gone through a TON as a couple, but he is my all time favorite person, and now that we’re as far into this as we are, we’re the happiest we’ve ever been as a couple, we’re getting along the best we ever have, and he makes me extremely happy. There is no one else I could picture spending my life with, and I feel so incredibly lucky to be with him.
Russ and I have a dog named Doc and a cat named Oz. Both of them are rescue animals, and I am a huge animal lover. We had a dog named Gus for 12 years who we were both crazy about. Gus passed away in November of 2021. Doc and Oz are incredible pets, and I know most people think their pets are the best, but I truly believe I have the best dog and cat in the world.
I’m also a nerd. I’ve been collecting comic books since I was 7 years old, and I can tell you all sorts of crazy information about superheroes. I started out as primarily an X-Men fan, but now I’m mostly a DC Comics fan. Wonder Woman is my favorite fictional character of all time. I’m also a big Star Wars fan, and I was obsessed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
I was raised Roman Catholic, and my being Catholic has played a huge role in my identity formation. I would say that I grew up in a very traditional Catholic household, but was exposed to a different kind of being Catholic - a more progressive, social justice oriented kind - at my Jesuit high school and college. I love the Jesuits to this day. I don’t know if I still think of myself as Catholic. I’ve been a member at Episcopal and UCC churches, but am currently not practicing any religion. I also have read a few books about Wicca - specifically Wicca for gay men - and have gleaned a fair amount of spiritual insight from that reading, though I would not consider myself Wiccan. I’m currently sort of in a spiritual hibernation, and I’m sure my spiritual side will re-emerge at some point.
I’m a tattoo enthusiast - I have 14 tattoos, mostly of nerdy stuff. If you ask me what my favorite tattoo is, it will change from day to day. I often think about what my next tattoo will be, but I think I’m going to wait a while before getting my next one.
I’m a music lover - I was a major emo kid, and I still listen to a lot of the emo music I loved in high school and college, but I also listen to a little bit of everything else. My favorite musician of all time is Sara Bareilles. Russ and I just saw the film version of the Waitress musical, and it affirmed what I had known for a while, that Sara Bareilles is my favorite. I also love Paramore, P!nk, Thrice, Beyoncé, CHVRCHES, Maggie Rogers, Betty Who, The Starting Line, Green Day, Lizzo, Carly Rae Jepsen, LINKIN PARK, Billie Eilish, James Taylor, and many many others.
I grew up in a family of 4 - mom, dad, sister (Cate), and myself. My dad passed away in 2015, and the grief still feels very present. Family can be tricky to talk about, but I love my family. My best friend in the whole world is my cousin Molly, who is two months to the day younger than me. She’s my cousin on my mom’s side, and is another person who I feel I truly lucked out by being connected to.
I’m a hardcore liberal. I believe in a pregnant person’s right to choose. I hate guns. I’m virulently opposed to the death penalty. I believe Black Lives Matter. I believe trans rights are human rights. I’ve managed to make some great friends who are pretty conservative, and I’m glad to have the lived experience that people from different sides of the political spectrum can still be decent to each other, as long as we respect a person’s right to live authentically.
I have struggled with mental illness for most of my life. I carry several diagnoses, and I’m not going to list and describe them all here. The most recent diagnosis is ADHD, and learning that I have ADHD has been life changing. Getting the right treatment for this condition and seeing the right therapist and getting on the right medication has made such a huge difference in my overall health and wellbeing. I feel like learning about my ADHD has started a new chapter of my life, and I think things will only get better from here.
I’m convinced that I have the very best people in my life. I’ve already mentioned Russ and Molly, but I also have the most amazing friends. I have people who are like family to me, who have been there through the most difficult, devastating parts of my life. I have newer friends like Rick who I am excited to get to know more and more and who has already been an incredible support. I have old friends like Meg (only a song away) who might as well be my sister. I’m sure I’ll write about the various people in my life more as time goes on.
I used to talk about work a fair amount on this blog, but I’ve decided that I’m not going to do that anymore. I have a job that I started not long ago that I LOVE, and it’s the happiest I can ever remember being at a job. That said, I think it’s best if I avoid any further talk about work. I think focusing on life outside of work in this blog will be good for me anyways.
I’m very passionate about the world of developmental disabilities. I worked for several years in the field of services to people with disabilities, primarily autism. I care so much about the rights and treatment of people with disabilities, and want to continue to advocate for that cause. Doc’s doggy daycare is staffed by people with disabilities, and it makes me so happy that we get to support that business. One of my best friends, Colleen, has a child with Down syndrome, and Colleen being part of my life and my ability to get to know her little one has reminded me of my connection to that world. I have some fantastic stories about my time working in that field, and I love talking about them.
I think of myself as an artist, though I haven’t done any serious art making in a long time. I minored in Studio Art in undergrad, and used to love to paint, and I drew almost every day for most of my life. In 2015, I sustained an injury to my right hand that severely slowed down my art making. I still cannot use a writing or drawing instrument for more than about 15 minutes at a time without pain. I’m hoping to get back to art making soon. I’ve started a few big art projects over the last bunch of years, but I’d like to really commit to completing at least one. I used to draw my friends as superheroes when I was younger, and I’d like to do a poster with that theme now that I’m older. I did something like that a couple years ago, but never finished it, and now I want to start over.
I believe in body positivity, which took a lot of work to get to. I’m currently the heaviest I’ve ever been, and also the happiest with my body that I’ve ever been. Sonya Renee Taylor’s book “The Body Is Not An Apology” did incredible things for me. I also think the gay bear community really helped me love my body. I pretty much hate body norms and beauty culture. I love when people can embrace who they are and what they look like and what their bodies are capable of, and I’m so glad I’ve gotten to the point that I have with body image and acceptance.
Gosh, I could write so much more, but I guess that’s the reason for jumping back into this blog. I have missed writing, and I’m excited to be in this place in my life - happy with my husband, my body, my friends, my job, and my mental health - and spend some time exploring what it all means now. If you didn’t really know me before reading this, thanks for taking the time to read. If you’re someone who has been in my life for a long time, thank YOU for reading, and for loving and supporting me. I hope you stick around!